I have been living in my current hovel for about a year and a half now, and I am coming to the realization that I may have seriously fucked up. Let me explain:
So I was that guy, yes that guy who after his divorce moved into his parents basement. It is a story as old as time, guy gets cleaned out in his divorce (all too common) can’t afford to get a new place with all his bills, and ends up back in his old high school bedroom. Maybe I overstayed with the parents, I am pretty sure that I did. Our relationship will never be the same. But that is not what this post is about.
So when I finally thought I had my shit together, and I thought I had a girlfriend who I maybe wanted to have some sexy time in my bed with, I decide to move out. I finally found a place in an apartment complex, that met the expectations of the lady friend and my daughter. So I moved in.
It is a nice complex in a park like setting, at least that is what it says on the website. What do you think?
They repaved the parking lot so nicely, only to have it ruined by my car leaking power steering fluid all over for 2 weeks!
Anywho, I settled in and within a few months I found myself single. I also found that my teenage daughter really hates me and hardly comes around. Soooo, here I am. In this place that I had hoped would be great and you know what it sucks! My neighbors suck, this is literally where dreams come to die.
Let me explain, so my building has 8 units in it, I have been here a year and a half and haven’t met anyone. Now mostly that is by choice. Right next door my neighbor is a senile old woman, who I believe has dementia. She sits outside feeding the rodents (squirrels) talking on her phone. When she ventures off on her bicycle, she comes back and leaves the damn thing right in front of the stairs, like i’m gonna fucking trip over the fucker in front of the stairs. This old bag has no concept of living with others as she yells all the time. She has yelled at me a couple of time to turn my TV down, for which I alway turn it up. Plus, she pounded on our shared wall durning my annual Wrestlemania party. NO ONE IS GOING TO WRECK MY WRESTLEMANIA PARTY!
Look at all this shit! Still has Easter shit hanging up, in her defense, she hasn’t been around for like a month. I think she might be dead, but I can’t smell the body, yet!
Below me is some geriatric couple? I have never actually seen them, but judging by the Cadillac and deliveries of oxygen I am assuming they are pretty damn old, plus they have Chihuahua’s and those little ankle biters are annoying fuckers. The other lady directly below me is single?? I think, I am not sure, but damn she is a door slammer, I don’t know if she is pissed as my fat ass stomping around above her all the time or what but this woman does not know how gently shut a door.
On the other side of me upstairs, are some foreigners. I will not say what nationality but I am sure you can probably guess. I honestly have no idea how many of them actually live in the apartment. I have seen about 15 different people come and go from that place over the past year. All I know is that every once in a while they will play some weird ass music and have parties while they all smoke cigarettes on the balcony. And they cook weird smelling food, like Curry or Tabbouleh, or Falafel. (I may or may not have googled some of those foods)
Next to them is an older single guy with a son. When I see him it’s literally like looking into my future. I am not sure if he is older than me or not, he is bald, but his son is young, like 10 or something. I don’t know how long he has lived here, but he looks so depressed every time I see him. Like he just looks like his ex ripped his nuts off, fed them to him, dug them out of his shit and then stapled them back on, depressed. He is a lot like me in that about a month ago he finally cleaned up the glob that was once a Halloween pumpkin off his balcony. I feel like living in this place for too long will slowly suck away a mans soul. I feel so sorry for him, but honestly, don’t want to be his friend. (I know I’m an asshole)
Below them are some Indians (dots, not feathers, hey, no one said this was an appropriate post or even blog). The woman sits outside doing laundry nearly every damn day and I think the man is like an engineer or doctor or something, aren’t they all?
Finally, in the bottom left apartment is a fairly attractive girl. I have no clue what her story is, she is hardly there, like gone 3-4 days a week. That leads me to believe that she has a boyfriend who doesn’t live in a depressing hell-hole. But she is weird too. When she is home, her lights are never on, like NEVER on. It’s like she goes in and goes straight to bed, or maybe shoots heroin. I don’t know.
I guess the point to my rambling is I don’t know if living here or with my parents is worse. They both suck, but man I just can’t tell. I had dreams that this would be cool, like lots of single people, underage chicks (over 18) needing someone to buy them beer, cool guys that I could get along with, have community BBQ’s, just fun cool things that I could be doing heading into my twilight years. NOPE! Instead, there are old ass people, foreigners, weirdos, some asshole who drives a giant
truck cock extension, a ton of young mormon couples, and me. This may be hell on earth, if not earth, at least hell in Pocatello.